Parenthood Growing Pains- Wean Your Self Now so You Can Have a Happy Family!
by Deaunna Evans, CMC
(Spring Hill, TN)
Coach Evans, CMC, The peaceful parenting expert!
Parenthood gives us the opportunity to experience growing experiences, some are often painful. While we usually always associate ‘weaning’ with a baby and a bottle, I want to pose this question to parents, “Have you weaned yourself FROM your child yet?” If not, get ready for systems meltdown when you click on adolescence.com!
Remember the day you sent your first born off to Kindergarten? It’s likely you were more apprehensive than your child. Do you remember how fretful you were? If you were like me you felt downright anxiety! When I shuttled my first child off to kindergarten she didn’t even turn to wave goodbye! How dare her! She just happily skipped along hand in hand with her teacher- a stranger nonetheless- while I stuttered and stammered until I finally got over myself and went home to lick my wounds. Of course I was thrilled that her self-confidence was at a level that she would move to into the next phase of her life so blissfully, but not so for me as my parenthood growing pains were very real.
If you think about it, from the time our children began toddling one of the main mantra’s we chanted was “You are big.” We bounced our child on our knees and with each bounce we planted into his subconscious “you’re such a big boy,” bouncy, bouncy, bouncy. We even used this idea to gain compliance, “I only let big boys that can pick up their toys have a snack.” Then when our child reaches the tween years we suddenly slam on the “big” brakes! We begin to regress, telling them that they are not “big boys” anymore by not allowing them to use their internal guidance system that is telling them that they are ready for a new experience. To make things worse we do this at the age when developmentally speaking, they are desperately searching for their own identity and demanding independence.
Our children come to this earth ‘hard wired’ for success! As they become fully capable to handling life’s situations and we fail to relinquish their due power, their ‘internal guidance system’ shoots them an ‘error prompt” that goes something like this:
“We are sorry to inform you that although the human developmental charts indicate that your system is fully capable of performing that function an external problem has occurred! Parental units have failed to input your current growth data. Please be advised that you must rise to your destiny and reach for the full capacity of the human experience; therefore external problems must be circumvented, even at the risk of short circuiting the parent-child relationship!”
By the time our children reach teen years parents should be numbed to the letting go or parent-weaning process; but sadly most of us are still clinching to our teenagers like we did when they were babies and therein lies a major parenting maladjustment problem. Just like it was hard to let go when your child entered kindergarten, you will continually experience parental growing pains. However, when you relinquish control and begin to empower you child with the developmentally appropriate things he is fully capable of accomplishing, his ‘error prompt’ message does not pop up and neither will many of the standard teenage alien behaviors.
So it’s time to ‘parent-up’ and hand over those parenting pacifiers to avoid crashing your system when it’s time to click on adolescence.com. As our children age, we must evolve as parents to facilitate their normal growth and development. By doing this we help our kids move into adulthood unscathed from childhood issues and we get to live in a happy family in the meantime. That’s a pretty fair trade-off, don’t you think?
Deaunna Evans, CMC of Super Moms Coaching is The Peaceful Parenting Expert! Coach Evans helps frustrated parents turn around their defiant child’s behavior in 30 days or less so they can enjoy a happy family. You are invited to join Coach Evans for a complimentary parenting session, “Peaceful Parenting Breakthrough Session!”